


Mourn

by jaydick_love



Category: DCU
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, forever evil - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaydick_love/pseuds/jaydick_love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason after the events of Forever Evil when he thinks Dick is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mourn

A memory. So sweet yet so bitter. Bittersweet. It hurt. 

“Mmm, not yet Jay.” Dick mumbled sleepily, curled up in a ball on the bed.

“C’mon Dickie. You’re gonna be late for the dentist.”

Dick’s cobalt eyes were still closed, but he pouted. “I don’t like going to the dentist.”

“You have a cavity. You have to go.”

He sighed, cracking his beautiful blue eyes open slowly. “Is there any way I can talk you out of it?”

“No.”

“I think there is.”

“Oh really? Please, do try to-” Jason was cut off by an abrupt morning kiss, Dick’s lips pressed against Jason’s, warm and soft. It was brief, but it was enough to make Jason a bit more muddled. The kisses began to litter down his jaw, his neck, down and down.

Jason couldn’t resist the hot, loving kisses being pressed. It was so much better than being stuck in a dentist’s office.

Jason curled up in a ball on the bed, eyes shut as if he closed his eyes hard enough, Dick would be there waking him up with a sloppy kiss. Maybe if just thought hard enough, remembered every detail, it wouldn’t hurt so badly. But it hurt worse, because Jason was tricking himself. He kept feeling phantom lips caressing his skin, kept hearing that silly laugh. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the beautiful blue irises of Dick’s.

It hurt so much to think about Dick. It stung like a hornet to nearly feel those hands brush against his, only to open his eyes and reality punch him to realize Dick would never be back. He smelled the sheets, which still had Dick’s scent on them. It was a comfort, but as the days passed, his scent faded. Jason smelled his clothes, and those too faded.

And he was left with… That hollow hole in his chest, something so big and dark and suffocating that the only way to get rid of it was to take a drink.

So drank he did. Jason drank everything. Beer, vodka, wine, tequila. Anything with alcohol. It numbed the pain, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing ever could be enough to have Dick back. Jason tried anyways, desperate to stop that growing black hole in his chest. He went out at night as the Red Hood, fought the baddies, saved the innocent. Yeah, he let some slugs hit his kevlar suit, let himself get cut up more than before. The physical pain felt good though, it let him know that the pain he felt when he received an injury was not the pain of the hole.

Jason tried visiting Dick’s grave. It pained him to see the grave and know that underneath was a skeleton of Dick. It all felt so… surreal. Like the flowers at his grave. Why were there flowers? Dick wouldn’t be able to fucking smell them or hold them or say something sweet and cheesy about flowers. So why the fuck were they there? No amount of flowers would bring him back. They were for Dick but Dick was fucking dead. He was gone. He wasn’t going to be able to say “thank you” to whatever fucktard brought them.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Jason slurred, taking a swing from his flask of vodka. “I love you, you idiot.”

No response. The silence was tearing apart the antihero.

“Can you hear me? Up in the clouds?” Jason wondered, kneeling in front of Dick’s grave, sipping more vodka.

“If you can… I love you. Even though you’re so stupid you got yourself killed.” Jason’s voice hitched, becoming more desperate. “Why did you do that? Don’t you know what would happen?” His voice grew louder, to a shout, a cry of despair. “Did you fucking know what would happen?! Everyone is fucking falling apart because you’re a fucking idiot and you’re hurting everyone! You said you won’t hurt us, but you are!”

Tears were streaming down Jason’s cheeks, but he so far past the point of caring.

“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!” A broken sob, Jason’s breathing becoming angry, frustrated, pained pants. “I hate you for making feel like this! But I love you because you- you…” Jason hung his head. “You made me feel alive. And now you’re- you’re gone and I feel dead again.”

Alfred had been disturbed by Jason’s loud anguish, and with his own sad slump, he came out to the back where Jason was, his own heart breaking at the sight.

“You need to come back. Please. Come back, Dickie. I miss you. P-p-please. I ne-nee-need you.” Jason was sobbing now, arms curled around Dick’s grave.

Utterly heartbroken watching the younger man, Alfred knelt by Jason, placing a hand on Jason’s shoulder. He too was crying, silent tears creeping out the corners of his eyes. “Master Jason, please come inside.”

Jason turned to Alfred, teal eyes glassy with tears, looking a lot like a lost, broken child. “He left us, Alfie. Why? He- he…”

Another rack of sobs shook him, and Alfred just wrapped his arms around Jason, gently taking away the flask, nudging him onto his wobbly feet and leading him into the Manor. He let Alfred lead him into the Manor, blindly kicking off his boots, collapsing on the couch against Alfred, pretending that the hand stroking his hair soothingly was Dick’s. Jason cried until he had no tears left to shed, till he sank into oblivion of dreamless sleep.


End file.
